Salutations West Brookiens!
I’d like to formally invite you to my Annual BBQ!
First time hearing about it? Well, after everything that’s happened these past six months I thought a little community get together was just what we needed.
On August 15th at 6pm bring an empty stomach to 13 Winding River Lane and prepare to be stuffed with: Baby Back Ribs, Pulled Pork, Brisket, and Smoked Chicken!
-Frank
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Search Party Request:
Help, my worst nightmares are coming true and it’s happening again.
Another child has gone missing. Please contact Dan at the sheriff’s department with any information. Last seen along the river bank.
-A concerned mother
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Hellooo Brookiens!
I have a lot to learn about these community noticeboards. A draft must’ve swept through the hall and I’m the only one who hasn’t mastered the art of tacking up a flyer!
What can I say? I’ve been spending my time mastering the art of smoke and charcoal!
Which you’ll learn all about on August 15th at my Annual BBQ!
See you there!
-Frank
13 Winding River Lane, 6pm.
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Aloha Meat Eaters,
Whoever crossed out my name with ‘Killer’ is in the spirit! Glad you know I’m a Killer host!
Haha but seriously, those charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
Any-whoo, thanks for giving me a reason to update my flyer cause I forgot to include the sides!
On August 15th, you’ll be covering your plate not only with meats but also baked beans, corn bread, collard greens, and the creamiest mash you can imagine!
-Frank
13 Winding River Lane, 6pm.
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Candle Light Vigil,
It’s been six months since the children disappeared. Although we’re still praying for their safe return, The Church will be hosting a vigil this Sunday at the town gazebo.
Drinks and snacks will be provided.
– Father Brian
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As they say in Texas:
‘Howdy Pardners,
Won’t just be your taste buds being pleasured but your eardrums too! I’ve invested in the finest speakers (thanks John) and these bad boys pump out serious decibels! Maybe even enough to wake the dead! And you know my place, we can be loud as we want and no one will hear us!
Whoever wrote “You’re a monster” over the last flyer, you’re right, I’m a PARTY MONSTER!
Along with ear shattering music, expect smoked meats and all the sides they do in the Lone Star State on August 15th!
– Frank
13 Winding River Lane, 6pm.
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Wazz-uppppp Westey Brookeys,
Just a heads up, I’ve spoken with the Community Center’s very own Front Desk Janet. She’s going to be keeping an eye out for me. Don’t need any more scribblings over my flyer.
BUT, where you will be able to scribble is on the greasy brown butcher paper that’ll be used to wrap a 15 hour smoked brisket!
-Frank
August 15th 13 Winding River Lane, 6pm.
PS: it’s spelled “BastArd”
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!!!!!CASH REWARD!!!!!
Samantha Hitchens Still Missing.
I’m becoming more desperate. Please help me find my daughter. She was last seen playing near the river bank 3 days ago. She’s type one diabetic and her pump will be running low. Call Sheriff Dan with any information.
– Jessica Hitchens
!!!!!CASH REWARD!!!!!
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Calling all Party People,
I guess Front Desk Janet needs thicker glasses cause she missed someone writing over my last flyer.
To that phantom with a marker, I can’t answer “where is her daughter” at least not for Jess. But I can answer it for YOU on August 15th. Because your daughter and son and everyone else will be at 13 Winding River lane at 6pm for a fun night of BBQ, music, and laughter!
Can’t wait to see the whole family there!
(Except one less Hitchens of course)
-Frank
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AVOID 19 WINDING RIVER LANE
A body has been discovered near 19 Winding River Lane. Please avoid this area while the investigation takes place. More information will be available when we have it.
– Sheriff Dan
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My condolences,
Due to recent circumstances, my community BBQ will be cancelled.
Instead, please join me on August 15th at 13 Winding River Lane for a 6pm memorial service.
Along with Music & Games, below is a small list of food you can expect when we put the FUN in funeral!
9 Hour Smoked Ribs: That’ll be to die for!
Corn Bread: Call the cops on me, something this delicious should be illegal!
Bread Pudding: When the jury’s out I’ll be found guilty, for serving a delicious dessert!
– Frank
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WINDING RIVER LANE CLOSED (except for local traffic)
We have found the remains of 5 children at one of the residences of Winding River Lane. We fear there may be more. Please be patient while the k-9 units perform their duties.
I won’t be answering any questions at this time.
If you see Frank Miller do not approach him, call me instead.
-Sheriff Dan
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Hey There Smoke Lovers,
To everyone’s great disappointment, I’ll be delaying my much anticipated memorial service. The West Brook Sheriff’s department must’ve been hungry cause they came to my BBQ too early! (Not that I can blame them)
I couldn’t see too well through the bushes but Sheriff Dan didn’t look supportive of my décor. Due to these party-poopers I’ll be leaving for a little while. But stay tuned to this noticeboard for updates on my next Annual BBQ!
-Frank
PS: Don’t worry about Front Desk Janet, she’s just sleeping.