Dear writers,
We have one rule for all satire and comedy that we publish on this very prestigious site: your article must have been previously rejected by McSweeney’s. If what you are sending us has not been rejected by McSweeney’s, then we cannot accept it. If it has been rejected, then we can accept it. Rejection? Acceptance. Acceptance? Rejection. Lack of response and stuck in publication purgatory or hoping that your bribe actually goes through? That’s still a no from us.
We should also note previously published work cannot be considered. Let’s not get greedy here.
If your article meets all of the above credentials, here is how to submit:
1. Email your article to mcswineys.submissions@gmail.com, with your rejection email from McSweeney’s attached or forwarded as proof.
2. Don’t judge us for having a Gmail. We all start small.
3. Double check that your email includes the formal rejection from McSweeney’s.
4. We cannot stress enough how important it is that the email also has the McSweeney’s rejection.
5. Make sure your email includes your name, email address, and title of your article. Make sure the title is funny. It’s the least you can do.
6. We publish it. No questions asked, no stipulations.*
7. There is no Step 7. You’re done. Maybe take a break from your computer. Go for a walk. Drink a milkshake. Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight.
Each published submission will also come with an unsolicited opinion on why we think your article was originally rejected. Such as:
- It was way too long.
- It was way too short.
- You used too many vowels.
- You didn’t write about dinosaurs.
- You failed to mention a 7th century philosopher, like Thales of Miletus
- It wasn’t written in iambic pentameter.
- The editor had the same idea and got jealous.
- It reeked of desperation.
- Your title wasn’t funny (we tried to warn you).
- The editor was in a bad mood because their cereal was soggy that morning.
- It reeked of clam chowder.
- The way you wrote about how much you love Colonel Sanders made everyone feel uncomfortable.
- It intentionally lacked humor as an attempt to be humorous.
- It was a word for word plagiarism of Louis Sachar’s novel Small Steps, the official companion sequel to Holes.
- It wasn’t a submission at all, but a detailed recount of what the editor ate on their lunch break because you have been watching them for the past three and a half months.
- You wrote it in Ubbi Dubbi, the fake language made popular by the PBS children’s show ZOOM.
- Other reasons we can’t think of right now.
Questions? Send them to mcswineys.submissions@gmail.com. It’s the same email, don’t overthink it.
*There may in fact be some stipulations but they will be entirely subjective and will not be disclosed at this time or probably ever because we don’t owe you anything.